Rift in the Rainbow: A Transwoman’s Struggle for Acceptance in the League

Editor’s Note: To protect the privacy and safety of our interview subject, we have decided to use the pseudonym, “Melody.” 

For Melody, playing and competing in video games has always been a part of her personality.

As a child, her first loves were PC Real-time Strategy (RTS) games Red Alert and Battle Realms. Even as she grew older, she soon expanded her range to take on the all-comers in Tekken and Street Fighter.

These days, the 20-year-old is known in the local League of Legends tournament circuit as a fierce competitor and the captain of an all-female LoL team that competes regularly in Manila.

“I grew up with five male cousins around my age,” she recalled. It took a bit of convincing, but she eventually agreed to a Skype interview. She spoke in a casual tone, slowly becoming more comfortable to talk about herself as our conversation drew on.

At first, she was hesitant to even grant interviews. Though her friends and fans know her to be quite personable and vocal, the subject of our interview did leave Melody a tad hesitant to really voice out.

The reason for her reluctance? A few weeks ago, Melody became embroiled in a ruling dispute that highlighted how gamers, tournament organizers and the scene in general regard people like herself.

Because although games and competition are second nature to her, her first nature is that of a woman in a man’s body. Melody the mid laner is a transwoman.

The Iron Solari League

“I’ve always been a woman. I’ve always seen myself as a woman,” Melody said during our interview.

In the world of competitive video games — eSports — the place of women in tournaments exists in a strange place of limbo. Traditionally, high-profile events are often male-dominated, with women relegated to staff roles such as media liaisons or managers.

Stranger still, the occasional tournaments specifically marketed to be “all-women” are received with mixed reviews at best.

In a lot of ways, Melody’s story begins with one such tournament: The Iron Solari tournament created by Garena Philippines.

Garena Philippines, the distributor and regional partner of Riot Games (the company that owns the popular eSport title League of Legends), created The Iron Solari League. Their intent was to help the female LoL community have its own share of the spotlight.

According to a source from Garena, the idea behind the league was spurred by “realizations that there were not enough female gamers playing in their other tournaments.”

“We wanted to have a tournament where they can feel safe to compete. Hopefully, they would feel empowered enough after joining (The Iron Solari) to participate in our other tournaments.”

In fact, Melody herself supported Garena’s cause. “They wanted to make a huge step. They wanted to please everybody,” she said.

Geared up and ready to compete, her team entered the first leg of The Iron Solari League last Jan. 25, 2015 at the HashNet Cyber League Cafe in Pasig City, Metro Manila.

It was to her horror when, just as the tournament began, Melody was suddenly asked to drop out of the competition.

The issue started when the team captains of the other girl teams complained about Melody’s participation. “They were asking the officials if I could join because ‘technically’ I’m not a girl,” Melody said.

In the days leading up to the tournament, Melody and her team already felt that there would be dissension against their inclusion in the tournament. At least three days before the first leg, their team was already looking for a temporary replacement in order to avoid conflict.

Melody explained that this type of incident wasn’t new.

“There was one tournament where I saw a message from one of the girl teams we faced, telling the admin that I’m a trap (slang for transwoman) and to make sure there’s no transgender or gay player who could compete.”

The Ruling and Riot’s Response

In an effort to avoid conflict at the event, Melody obliged and did not compete. She recalled that the Garena staff repeatedly asked for her forgiveness.

However, her story soon took a turn when days later, Garena released a new rulings document pertaining to its “all-feminine” tournament.

The now revoked ruling stated that “up to a maximum of 1 transgender or gay player may join the team”.

According to Garena’s press release at the time, the company claimed that having more than one transgender or gay player could give “an unfair advantage”.

News of Garena’s ruling quickly spread across the internet, crossing over borders and spilling over big websites such as Reddit, Polygon and Kotaku.

Accusations of Garena Philippines being sexist and ignorant about LGBT issues became a hot topic everywhere. Many even stated that having a women’s only league was misogynistic.

The outrage from players and fans of LoL quickly reached the ears of Riot, the company that owns and develops LoL. Riot quickly addressed the concerns of fans relentlessly tweeting at the company with a public statement of their own.

To Melody however, it wasn’t entirely Garena’s fault.

“Garena talked to me about this, and they were so sweet and apologetic. I remember a staff member sitting down with me after I decided to step down from the first leg of The Iron Solari. He kept saying sorry to me and really tried his best to fix the situation. Everyone at Garena did.”

In Melody’s words, the intent was there. In line with Garena’s statement, she agreed to the fact that The Iron Solari was created in order to give women a safe environment in which they could play at a competitive level.

Garena had hoped that this tournament would give female players enough confidence to join more established tournaments like the Pro Gaming Series (PGS), which acts as a qualifier of the Southeast Asia-wide Garena Premier League (GPL).

While the intent was there, the execution was another thing altogether.

“Garena just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know it was going to blow out of proportion.”

Local Reception

While cries for equality were heard internationally, in local waters the public opinion surrounding the issue was markedly different.

“Have you seen an open tournament with lots of female players? Nah! For me the said ruling was just and fair. Its about giving them a chance to play and eventually win,” one guy commented in Rumble Royal, a popular LoL community Facebook group.

Another comment, this time from a girl, stated, “No offense intended, but I’ve never heard of a team composed of women win a single competitive gaming tournament against men. Be it sports, business, politics, etc. Men, more often than not, dominate. And as all of you may very well know, most philosophers and leaders throughout history are men.”

This train of thought was met with opposition within the group. One replied that “In eSports and gaming, we must be professional, we should not judge a person based on his/her sexual orientation or physical appearance, age or whatsoever. We should be professionals. Skills ang sukatan” while another mulled over the ruling’s social undertones: “To be honest in a deeper sense, it’s still not pretty. Looking beyond it, it still reeks of gender isolation and homophobia.”

Melody was very well aware of the negativity surrounding the issue, especially the sexist undertones of the people. “Westerners are more open. Philippine culture is different. My story probably is just the tip of the iceberg.”

The world of competitive gaming is unique among most popular sports for being gender-neutral. Segregating men and women in basketball, football and volleyball is reasonable due to biological factors but those physical boundaries are torn down when it comes to eSports.

In fact, Melody gave me examples of LGBT gamers who are her role models. “I look up to Ricky Ortiz (Evil Geniuses, Fighting Games) and Scarlett (Acer, Starcraft II). They are both LGBT players and they kick ass. They didn’t care if they’re fighting a man or a woman, and it’s the same for me. When I play, all that matters to me is I destroy my opponent.”

As the Garena controversy unfolded, she found herself afraid for her well-being. “I’m sure that a lot of people I know will pin me down on this,” she said.

Amidst the chaos, she was thankful that there is a group of people who she knows has her back no matter what: her teammates. “They are all my best friends. They know who I am and accept it wholeheartedly. For more than year, our lineup didn’t change unlike other girl teams. We are solid.”

Her goal was to serve as a vanguard to help other LGBT gamers gain confidence to play as themselves.

“I’ve always wanted my voice to be heard. Gaming is my platform. I wanna go up against the big teams,” she said. “No one knows the struggle we go through. I just wanna be strong.”

She went on to illustrate how women are treated in-game.

“A lot of people think that if you’re a girl, you can’t be good. If you do well, they would just claim that your account is piloted (controlled by a different person). If you lose, they would say that’s because I’m a girl. But to be honest, I think guys are better at video games simply because they play more.”

While there have been smalls changes in the Philippines as to how the LGBT community is viewed or treated such as Mayor Herbert Bautista’s statement of support for same-sex marriage, it is still a topic that is often met with discrimination and ill will.

As their struggle for acceptance continues, Melody feels greater hesitation on moving forward as a pro gamer in the Philippines. “It’s not like I have Korean superpowers. I’m just done. I have never felt so offended in my life. I know that there are big opportunities for my team, and if I can’t join…”

She didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t have to.

“I used to be a man, now I’m a woman and to them that’s not enough. I’ve been a woman for so many years. I didn’t choose this. This is who I am. I’m just a player.”

Garena is currently holding meetings to further address LGBT issues and discuss what could be done to give further support. They are currently taking greater measures to form a more comprehensive solution by creating dialogues with different stakeholders and aspects of the community: the professionals, the girl teams, community heads and of course, Melody.

In the meantime, Melody finds solace in doing what she does best: playing games and being herself. Everything else is just background noise.

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